Valley Wands

“You asked me once, what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing inthe world.”

George Orwell ‘1984’

Jesus said, “If you bring forth what is within you,what you bring forth will save you, If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

The Gospel according toThomas (the Gnostic Gospels - The Nag Hammadi Library)

These two quotes, although two millennia apart intime, one set in a dystopian future the other from Iron age Judea under Romanoccupation, both address the darkness of things hidden within us anddemonstrate that we as human beings have changed remarkably little.

The first is quite well known and understood thesecond less so. We all have a room 101, that doubt, that fear, that anxietythat sits in the mind and gnaws away at our confidence. It may not be always inthe forefront of the mind but in the quiet moments it can come slinking silentlyand maliciously from the shadows and take over our thinking. It is truly theworst thing in the world…………if we allow it to be. Winston Smith knew thoughthat if he could defeat the fear within and render it harmless it would nolonger have any power over him and would no longer have any use for hisenemies. Similarly Jesus, somewhat cryptically, explains that those same fearswithin us can be used to our benefit but if left to rot and fester inside theycan, and will, destroy us.

But what are these problems? What form can they take?They can be almost anything, an addiction, some deed we have done in the pastthat remains unatoned for, a sense of inadequacy. Perhaps all is not well athome? Maybe our relationships are causing us problems? Maybe one of the kids isbeing a pain (quite common that one) or perhaps it’s some dark secret that wefear might escape to shame us even though it be quite innocent. Yes we all havethem in some form or another, some monster under the bed that we are terrified ofconfronting that lies there sneering at our weakness and ineffectuality atdealing with it.

These things are a poison to our spirit, they preventus being whole beings. Perhaps that is something that the Catholic churchrecognises in the confessional, that perhaps it is less about confessing sinsand more about unburdening the spirit. No, we as Wiccans have no tradition ofgiving absolution and I do not propose that we start. We cannot whisper a fewwords to our priest and effectively kick the problem upstairs for God to dealwith whilst we perform some trifling penance here on earth. No, we demand thatwe take ownership of the problem, drag it into the cold light of day and dealwith it on a personal level.

We do not demandthat this be done unaided, far from it but that initial step has to be made bythe individual, although sometimes it may have to be teased out by someone whoknows, or at least strongly suspects, what ails us. After that what happens allrather depends on the problem and how it is affecting us. It might be enoughsimply to get it out in the open, or it might be something that is going toneed professional medical or psychiatric treatment or counselling to get to thebottom of and deal with.

All we have to dois to find the courage within ourselves and take that first step. Oh, andremember, we should not sit in judgement on each other for our failings ashuman beings.

But why are these things important? What is it thataffects our place in the coven and it’s rituals? If we are not whole people,well rounded and balanced we can never hope to achieve any magical abilityworth speaking of. Everything we do will be shaded and pulled out of shape bythis imbalance within us. Now, whilst as a solitary that would only affect theindividual, in a coven setting we strive to achieve such commonality of thoughtthat we act as one mind and that is difficult enough to achieve at any timewithout one or more of us being distorted by personal demons. Indeed, it may gofurther than that, if these problems become so advanced that a person isaffected not only spiritually but emotionally, psychologically and evenphysically, and yes it can and does happen, then it is entirely possible thatsuch a person may then become not only a liability but also a real threat tothe spiritual and possibly also the physical safety of others in the coven.Psychic protection from outside influences is, or should be, routine and wemust be well versed in the skills that protect us from threats from thatdirection but when the threat comes from within it is a different matter andthe danger may be upon us without our realizing it.

For solitaries there is of course no risk to othersbut even so the solo practitioner needs to remain aware of their mental andphysical health and perhaps consider not working when ‘down.’ It can be adifficult call but you have sometimes got to be quite ruthless with yourselfand take a serious look within. Physical symptoms are easy enough to get ahandle on, emotional spiritual or psychological issues less so. Have you beenin a foul mood? Had a fight with someone? Just felt out of sorts for noapparent reason? Of course it may be that a bit of gentle ritual working isexactly what is needed to lift your mood……….it’s your call.

Some covens, as part of the process of preparation forinitiation, will send a dedicant off to some remote location for three or fourdays to fast and meditate in solitude. With no contact with other people andwithout books, TV, radio, mobile phone or other distractions. Such issues asthese would often come to the surface and a means of resolution present itself.When our coven was formed we looked at this possibility but mainly for safetyand security reasons the idea was abandoned, although I still feel it has muchto recommend it as a way of helping to achieve personal gnosis.

So, what should we do if we feel that in some way wehave become unbalanced spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically?Firstly it is vital that we do not keep it to ourselves, we should speak to ourcoven, speak to our high priestess and high priest and if necessary seekprofessional help, if any underlying condition is treated properly it shouldn’tbe a barrier to ongoing coven duties and full involvement in coven life but wehave to be honest with ourselves and honest with our coven. It is a sacredduty.

BB Hywel